![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
On the commute home you try to push these crazed scenarios to the back of your mind. Seeing that cute elderly couple holding hands and smiling at you, and glimpsing the teenaged boy and girl making out at the back of the train however,isn't helping make it easier though You get home and immediately run, nearly killing yourself in the process to check the answering machine, but short of a message from Mom telling you to check in with her, nada, nope, no, zip, zilch, zero other messages. You keep checking the clock on the wall, you keep refreshing the computer screen to update your email box, and you have probably checked your cell phone at least a dozen times by now to make sure that it's not only on, but that it's not set to vibrate and you maybe missed a call, but still nothing. Next thing you know, it's Ten o'clock at night, you are all dressed up with no place to go and you are eating out of the doggie bag from your last dinner date two weeks ago, watching an all night "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" marathon on Adult Swim, and kinda starting to get into it.
When you finally drag yourself away from the boobe tube and the exploits of Meatwad et all, to toddle off to bed at four in the morning, knowing full well you have to be up in three more hours for your morning tennis lesson, you resolve to look at things differently come next weekend, but who are you kidding? No matter how many different tubs of Ben and Jerry's you eat, or how many golf lessons or wine tasting classes you take to pass the time, you are still going to be ready, willing, and able to make time for this person, if and when they decide to actually break down and call you. Hence why we have our Thornism for today:
"Don't make someone else "The One" while allowing yourself to be nothing more than a back up plan for when their "One" blows them off. Tell them you'd love to go out with them, but you are washing your brain that night."
Women have been using the "I'm Washing My Hair" routine for decades to get out of sticky situations with men they are looking to blow off and avoid, but somehow washing your hair doesn't send the right message to these people the way washing your brain does. I mean obviously unless you enjoy watching bad Reruns on the TV and eating leftover cold pizza or Chinese food is your idea of a well spent weekend, why wait for some Johnny/Joanie come lately who can't be bothered to give you the time of day unless they have nothing better to do. I mean you do have some redeeming qualities right? No I am serious, you are worthy of something better right?
I am sure this person may seem like the "Cats pajamas", "The real deal", or perhaps "The Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread" and for whatever reason makes your jelly jiggle, your peanuts turn to butter, and there is nothing you would love better than to make a sandwich consisting of you, a good sturdy bed with them in the middle. Thing is, this person probably feels exactly the same way, but unfortunately for you, someone besides you is their preferred slice in that particular sammich. So unless you are content to pinch hit as the relief white bread sandwich when their panini machine of love breaks down, you need to find some other loaf to mix it up with. I strongly recommend a multi-grain with lots of fiber, fiber is good for you, just ask your mom. You know you will too, you have to call her back once you've managed to kill every other means of escaping the inevitable in the course of your forty-eight hour weekend spent waiting for a call that's never coming. You have simply run out of new ways to kill time, and let's face it, if you don't call her, you know she is going to call you again, and we both know you don't have any plans to get you out of the house to avoid that.
So as you spend another weekend contemplating how the hell those spiders seem to manage to fill your house with cobwebs again ten minutes after you swept away the last one, when you start to actually hear the laughing of the dust mites in your mattress as they remind you that they are the only ones apt to "get busy" in your bedroom this weekend, ponder this Thornism again:
"Don't make someone else "The One" while allowing yourself to be nothing more than a back up plan for when their "One" blows them off. Tell them you'd love to go out with them, but you are washing your brain that night."
It may sound like the start of a potentially vicious circle, but chances are pretty good there is someone else out there waiting to hear from someone, and the person they are waiting to hear from is you. Someone might be waiting for your call or email, who might truly appreciate hearing from you, and who in turn you might find you actually and sincerely enjoy spending time with, and who will appreciate spending time with you. Obviously it can and does happen all the time. Remember the old couple on the train? So this week instead of pining for some schmuck/schmuckette who isn't likely to call unless they have nothing better to do, or a few hours to kill, give one of those other people a shot, and make plans to do something next weekend and see where it leads you. Don't worry about Meatwad, Master Shake and Frylock, I am sure Carl will keep them busy till you can catch them in reruns or a compilation DvD comes out. I am sure they will understand, despite how much they might miss you
Have fun ;)!.
- Current State of Caffeination:
discontent - Latest Earworm:"I Know What Boys Like" - The Waitresses
- Current State of Caffeination:
pleased - Latest Earworm:"She Builds Quick Machines" -Velvet Revolver
I have always found I rather like the term "Girding My Loins", when I wish to denote I am about to take action, and say something about something that really pisses me off. It always sounded so much more poetic than suggesting something more direct like, " I am about to vent my spleen", or "release my sphincter", or let the proverbial bile spew, and the proverbial shit hit the proverbial fan. Plus I am not apt to be censored for turning the phrase that way, not that that matters much here.
- Current State of Caffeination:
pissed off - Latest Earworm:"Town Called Malice" -The Jam
- Current State of Caffeination:
confused - Latest Earworm:"Strange Condition"- Pete Yorn
- Current State of Caffeination: hopeful
- Latest Earworm:"Devils Haircut" -Beck
Ever have a song that for whatever reason causes you to crank up the volume whenever it comes on the radio? Maybe you don't even know the name of the artist, or of the song itself, but for whatever reason something in the song or about the song speaks to someplace deep inside you, because it defines you for that moment in time. in your life. Maybe it causes you to cry, maybe it causes you to smile, maybe it stirs up the emotional introspective debris inside you, or maybe it simply causes you to laugh out loud like a maniacal idiot, leastwise you seem that way to the people stuck beside you in the traffic jam. Whatever it might be, it moves you and does something to you, or for you. Somehow it propels you forward again with purpose. It makes you feel alive.
- Current State of Caffeination: excited
- Latest Earworm:"Young Folks" - Peter, Bjorn & John
- Current State of Caffeination:
productive - Latest Earworm:"Dani California" Red Hot Chilli Peppers
- Current State of Caffeination:
naughty - Latest Earworm:"3 Strange Days" - School of Fish
- Current State of Caffeination: optimistic
- Latest Earworm:"House We Used to Live In" -The Smithereens
See what happens when "Joe Bag of Doughnuts" makes his first forays into the Wild and Wooly World that is Internet Dating. Read how our confident, intelligent, protagonist becomes a hapless albeit hopeful "Guppy" moving from the "Little Pond” that is his local bar scene, to the "Ocean” that is an Internet Dating Site, in Part Three of the "Spontaneous Metamorphosis" Saga.
- Current State of Caffeination:
anxious - Latest Earworm:"I Think I'm in Love" -Beck
As stated in part two of the "Spontaneous Metamorphosis" saga, last fall I moved into a small house "down the shore" as we like to say here in New Jersey. Memorial Day is fast coming upon us, and soon the streets and boardwalk of my little town, will be wall to wall with people on summer vacation. Even now people are down and out on the beach, and believe it or not (it's still kinda chilly here), in the Ocean. The water has to be freezing. Summer is shaping up to be interesting, and perhaps will be the muse for some great writes. Only time will tell.
- Current State of Caffeination:
bouncy - Latest Earworm:"Pieces"- Sum 41
This is the first in what I hope will be a series of narratives expressing my particular take on the world around us, and how the people in it interact with each other, better known as my "Thornisms". If you have any suggestions for potential "Thornisms", I will gladly entertain your notions and see what I can come up with, so feel free to post them in the comments section.
- Current State of Caffeination: bitchy
- Latest Earworm:"Face Down"- Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
See what happens when "Joe Bag of Doughnuts" finds himself summarily ignored by the denizens of a trendy New Jersey Nightclub in Part Two of the "Spontaneous Metamorphosis" Saga.
- Current State of Caffeination:
quixotic - Latest Earworm:"Everything to Everyone"- Everclear
- Current State of Caffeination: cynical
- Latest Earworm:"The One I Love" -REM
There is a forum I belong to on a Canadian dating site (PoF) with a thread titled as you see mine titled above. On a weekly basis some words are posted by the originator of the thread for the rest of us to write about. I have always enjoyed the challenge, and the mental exercise, so I make a point of going back to see what she has put out as grist for the mill every week.
( The Full Grind )
- Current State of Caffeination: peaceful
- Latest Earworm:"Hey There Delilah"- PLAIN WHITE T'S
- Current State of Caffeination: crazy
- Latest Earworm:"I'll follow you into the Dark" Death Cab for Cutie
See what happens in the "Time of Legends" when the boy who will one day grow up to become "Joe Bag of Doughnuts" experiences his "First Kiss" with a real live girl, and the mayhem that ensues before and after, in this first installment of "The Legend of Joe Bag of Doughnuts" series.
- Current State of Caffeination: horny
- Latest Earworm:"I Don't like Mondays" -The Boomtown Rats
- Current State of Caffeination: confused
Starting from the time of my Divorce at age thirty-nice, to the present day, it is my intent to put on paper my thoughts and oppinions of the crazy people, crazy situations, and some other rather interestingly curious anecdotes from my life, as a divorced man in the new millenium. All my stories are based on real life events with just a hint of fiction to give it some spice, and perhaps make you laugh a little bit louder.
- Current State of Caffeination: relaxed
- Current State of Caffeination: amused